When you’re falling in love, money might be the last thing on your mind. But ignoring financial red flags early in a relationship can lead to serious problems down the road, from mounting debt to financial abuse.
“Money disagreements are one of the leading causes of relationship breakdown,” explains Fred Harrington, personal finance expert at SaveMyCent, a Brooklyn-based digital savings platform. “It’s important to recognize warning signs before they become deal-breakers.”
Whether you’re in a new relationship or reconsidering your current one, Harrington shares the financial red flags that shouldn’t be ignored and offers practical advice on navigating these challenging conversations.
6 Financial Red Flags That Spell Relationship Trouble
- They’re Secretive About Their Spending
A partner who hides purchases, deletes transaction histories, or gets defensive when asked about money is waving a major red flag. This behavior often indicates deeper issues with honesty and trust.
“Secret spending suggests someone either has a spending problem they’re ashamed of, or they don’t view the relationship as a partnership,” says Harrington. “Either way, it’s concerning.”
Watch for unexplained packages, hidden credit card statements, or a partner who suddenly becomes evasive when discussing recent purchases.
- They Want To Control Your Finances
Financial control can be subtle at first. It might start with “helpful” suggestions about your spending, then escalate to demands that you share bank account details or hand over your paycheck.
“A partner who insists on managing all the money, refuses to let you have access to accounts, or monitors every penny you spend is exhibiting controlling behavior that often extends beyond finances,” Harrington warns.
Healthy relationships involve financial discussions, not financial dictatorships.
- They Have No Emergency Fund or Savings Plan
While not everyone starts with perfect financial habits, a complete lack of financial planning or savings shows poor money management skills. More concerning is someone who shows no interest in improving their financial situation.
“Someone who lives paycheck to paycheck by choice, not circumstance, may not be ready for the financial responsibilities that come with a serious relationship,” notes Harrington.
- They Pressure You Into Financial Decisions
Whether it’s pushing you to co-sign a loan, invest in their business idea, or make major purchases together too quickly, financial pressure is a serious red flag.
“Legitimate financial opportunities don’t require immediate decisions or high-pressure tactics,” Harrington explains. “A partner who rushes you into financial commitments is prioritizing their needs over your financial security.”
- They’re Dishonest About Debt or Income
Not only is lying about student loans, credit card debt, or salary dishonest – it’s a form of financial fraud that can impact your future together.
“I’ve seen people discover their partner had tens of thousands in hidden debt only after getting married,” says Harrington. “Financial transparency should be non-negotiable in serious relationships.”
- They Expect You To Pay for Everything
While taking turns paying is normal, a partner who consistently expects you to cover expenses without reciprocating may be taking advantage of your generosity.
“Pay attention to patterns. Someone who always forgets their wallet, never offers to split bills, or makes excuses about being ‘temporarily’ broke might be showing their true colors,” Harrington advises.
Having The Money Talk Without The Drama
Discussing finances doesn’t have to derail your relationship. Start with open-ended questions about financial goals and values rather than demanding to see bank statements.
“Try asking about their biggest financial goal or what money means to them,” suggests Harrington. “These conversations reveal priorities and attitudes without feeling like an interrogation.”
Share your own financial situation first to create a safe space for honesty. Discuss spending habits, debt, and future goals gradually as the relationship progresses.
Fred Harrington, personal finance expert at SaveMyCent, commented:
“Financial gaslighting is one of the most dangerous red flags, and it’s often overlooked because it’s so subtle. This happens when a partner makes you question your own financial judgment or memory. They might deny making purchases you clearly remember, claim you agreed to financial decisions you never made, or make you feel like you’re ‘bad with money’ when you raise legitimate concerns.
“Watch for phrases like ‘you’re being paranoid about money’ or ‘you don’t understand finances’ when you ask reasonable questions. A partner who consistently makes you doubt your financial instincts is manipulating you. Trust your gut; if something feels off about their financial behavior, it probably is.
“Remember, healthy relationships involve mutual respect around money decisions. You should never feel afraid to ask questions about finances or express concerns about spending. If your partner responds to financial conversations with anger, deflection, or attempts to make you feel guilty, these are serious warning signs that shouldn’t be ignored.”
Be the first to comment